Skipping Halloween

Day 162





When I sit back and look at that number of 162 I want to punch someone.  Yeah, I am pretty pissed off these days but yet again this weak little girl keeps it all inside because what is the point of raising Cain about something you really can't do much about. When did I become so pathetic?  So here we are on day 162 of this animal urine stenched hell and everyone is watching football and ignoring one of my favorite days of the year, Halloween.  I think I fell in love with Halloween when I was 5 and my mom let me pick out my own Halloween costume instead of making something for me to wear that I really didn't want to wear.  I went as the shark from JAWS.  I had yet to see the film  but I knew that it scared the hell out of people and I that is what I wanted to do, scare the hell out of people.  I got tired of being a cute little girl and believe me, I was a cute little girl or so they told me.  Pictures don't lie but sometimes adults do.  However, in this case I gave them all the benefit of the doubt. 



This is me at age 3, you be the judge of my "cuteness".



I could have cared less about getting candy, I just loved ringing doorbells and having folks marvel at my costume creations.  I also liked the fact that for one night I was someone else.  I wasn't my big sister's little sister, I wasn't the daughter of an alcoholic and I certainly wasn't that weird kid in class with mismatched socks  who had a unique taste in music and a vast knowledge of all those useless facts stored in her head that she knew would one day come in handy.  When I went out on Halloween I became whatever character I was dressed as and I  did a magnificent job of entertaining all that I came in contact with.  It was an escape that I could lose myself in.

Oh Halloween, I love just about everything about Halloween with the exception of the gory films they show on TV this time of year.  When did blood, guts and pea soup vomit become associated with Halloween.  I would much rather watch The Great Pumpkin or Mad Monster Party than that crap.  I like FUN Halloween with a little bit of the eerie stuff tossed in but the guts are not my scene man.  Halloween is carving pumpkins and then toasting the seeds later for mass consumption.  It's cool costumes and fun parties, bobbing for apples, slipping into unnecessary sugar comas, playing silly pranks and decorating your house.  Oh I love decorating I swear somewhere deep inside me is a gay man named Lance  SCREAMING to be released.  Yes, if I were a gay man my name would be Lance. 

This year due to circumstances beyond my control I had to forgo the decorating and it has made me very sad.  Usually by now I have carved at least 3 pumpkins with plans to carve 3 more before the Trick or Treaters arrived.  I have not even carved one pumpkin.  The clock is ticking over here and I just don't even care.  I slipped into some sort of Halloween depression that I can't seem to shake and it really sucks.  I know the only thing that will bring me out of this funk is me.  No one else can help me but me and I usually do it so well but not this time.  I am starting to give up over here.  I did decorate my classroom because I didn't want my kids suffering because I was.  That would be mean to do to those little humans who bring me great joy in the mess that is my life.

I forgo drawing on my pumpkins before carving them.  I
just let my imagination flow.

I did purchase a decent sized carving pumpkin for $2.49 on Monday and I was so excited about it.  Excited because I got a bargain and excited because I had visions of carving my pumpkin with Ginger Boy filled with Halloween merriment.  That was a good daydream that never came to fruition because I lost my Halloween zest somewhere this week and Ginger Boy isn't one to try to drag me out of my funk.  He never really got into holidays the way I did and that's okay.  I still love him. 

I made cupcakes for our class party.

The competitive side of me would usually challenge the depressed side and egg it on resulting in not only carving that pumpkin but going on a decorating spree that would have this dump looking fabulous. I wish I could find that competitive little bitch because she has out shined herself during many low points in my life.  Waa, waa, waa, I am a big baby this Halloween and I hate myself because of it!

T minus 2 hours to go and there is no candy to hand out, no decorations, no carved pumpkin and not even a Happy Halloween welcome mat for this evenings event.  The house does resemble The Munsters abode but that has nothing to do with the holiday at hand,  lately it always looks this way.    My dark and evil side thought about handing out cat turds to the children and telling them they were fun sized carob bars but that is too wicked and not how I roll in reality.   I could hand out birds, cats and dogs for Halloween and tell them it's PETA's way of celebrating this year.  Oh what joy I would have in doing that. 

I tried to search for some Halloween inspiration by watching Halloween themed TV shows this week.  The Middle, Modern Family, Community (which was pretty amazing) and The Office.  I switched gears and went a little old school with  My So-Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, and Roseanne.  Nothing.  Not one of those inspired me.  Even Rosemary's Baby  and It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown left me feeling flat.  I think it's time to pull out the BIG guns because Poltergeist, The Crow and The Lady in White didn't even do it this year.  I think it's time for E.T.  That film always hits the spot this time of year.  My only fear is that it might be too late.   I am willing to give it a shot because it's my last chance and if it doesn't work then sad to say it folks, I will be skipping Halloween this year.

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day.

Halloween is coming!

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

STILL CELEBRATING!

Party At The Leper Colony

day 154
The man who should be my husband, Weird Al Yankovic, made one of THE greatest Christmas songs EVER in 1986.  I immediately fell in love with the song just as I fell in love with Al on April 21st, 1981 when I saw him on The Late Show with Tom Snyder.  It was not a romantic type of love, I mean I was just a little girl for Pete's sake!  I just thought, "Wow this dude is pure genius." I still feel that way when I hear Al, it gives me chills because he is amazing.



  It took a while for the rest of the free world to embrace Al and all of his weirdness.  In fact, some folks still don't get him and that is their loss.  They view Al as a man who just writes song parodies but he is so much more than that.  His original songs are just as fantastic as his song parodies and Alfred has the Grammies to prove it.  Us true ALcoholics don't need that Grammy nonsense to know that our boy is golden. (ALcoholics are what the fan club members are called, I didn't want anyone to worry that I've fallen off the wagon or anything.)








                                                   
People aren't surprised when I tell them I dig Weird Al.  In fact, they've come to suspect it within moments of meeting me.  They're more shocked when I tell them I dig Opera or Jazz but when I say "I LOVE WEIRD AL", they smile and nod and respond with "I thought so." In fact many years ago at my place of employment folks dubbed me Weird Alice because they considered my song parodies to be of the caliber of what Weird Al was churning out.  I was more than okay with that title.




Besides  Tim Tucker and myself, Weird Al is my favorite Vegetarian.







The hostiles are in for a treat today because it is Al's 51st Birthday and you know what THAT means.  Oh yes, yes, it will AL TV all day and Al music blasting all night.  Since Al's Birthday falls on a Saturday this year I think I will make a weekend of it because he deserves the honor.

Fan Club Member since 1982

Love him or hate him, Weird Al is here to stay and make you smile.  Probably one of the best gifts you could ever give yourself is a ticket to a Weird Al concert.  You don't even have to be a big fan to enjoy it, there is something for everyone at one of Al's shows.  He is one hell of a performer. Out all the concerts I've been to in my short life, and there have been MANY, my favorite shows are Weird Al shows because he gives so much to his audience.  Al gives you a lot of laughs and a lot of great songs. Heck, he literally gives away his underwear each night and one day, ONE DAY, I will be the proud owner of those boxers or the fork he pulls out of his pocket during One More Minute. 




Oh I love Weird Al, oh yes I do.  If we could merge our talents for just one album, the world would be a happier place.  Who knows we might even win an award or two.  It could happen.

"I'd like to thank my writing partner, the BEST writing partner in the universe who could not be here tonight to share this honor.  She's working on an Apatow  film at the moment. . ."

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day.

The Vistors Walk Among Us

day 148
The hostiles have decided it's time to turn on the heat in this dump.  Apparently Rasputia is just so cold and we must cater to her needs.  HELLO IT'S 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE TODAY, NOT 40!  This is further proof in my theory that she is not human and that she is a reptilian creature like in the original 1983 television mini-series V. 

Oh I am a fan of V.  I own the entire V saga including the mediocre TV series.   I even had a goldfish named after my favorite V character Elias (Uh lie us).  Sure Ham Tyler was the wisecracking cranky pants hero but Elias was smooth and it would be just too weird to have a goldfish named Ham.  An eccentric girl has to have her standards.

Elias Taylor was a groovy dude.



[looking at a dead Visitor with his reptilian skin exposed]
"Now that's a waste of good luggage!"

I was a bit skeptical when I learned that they were revising V for a new TV series in 2009 but now I am a follower of that show because it's really good.  So yeah, I think Rasputia is as cold blooded as Diana was in the original V.  If you've seen the original mini-series, you have to wonder what really happened to her bird Leo, did he really live up to his nickname of Dinner?

I never see Rasputia eat real food, I just see her chomping on crushed ice.  Jeepers, no wonder she is cold all the time. 

Diana had a lot of pet birds.

I closed all the vents in the Funky Anne Frank Room and I have the ceiling fan whirling on high as I wander around this shoebox in a tank top and shorts.  This is just insanity!  Instead of carving pumpkins, I want to go jump in a swimming pool.   It's days like this I just wish I had some balloons full of that red dust to get rid of The Visitors who walk among us. 

Like all survivors I will just adapt to my surroundings and be comforted by the fact that it will all be over soon enough.  I just want the heat off and a little Pretinama* over here folks.

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!


*it means Peace

Day 147

BRILLIANT!

One Down, Seven To Go: The Death of Dinner

Day 146

As previously stated, I love animals, but due to the current living situation I've grown apathetic towards them.  So when I learned of the death of one of those damn birds I chuckled inside.

While on the outside I showed great concern and sympathy for the death of a beloved pet.  An Emmy worthy performance if I must say so myself.  

"Bwaaaaaaack, I died, I died."



Leo AKA Dinner

When I informed Ginger Boy of the devastating news his first response was "Did you kill it?" Now why would I kill a bird?  It's true I can't stand those damn birds and the noise and mess they make but I wouldn't dare kill an animal.  I can't even kill a bug let alone some annoying noisy creature with feathers and a beak, that would be just plain mean.  Oh believe me I have thought about it and even blogged about it but I would never actually do such a dastardly thing.  It's not in my nature.

I did get some sick twisted delight out of the fact that one of those damn birds was gone.  Yeah, I have  a touch of evil, most folks do.  I think the evil really came out on Wednesday night when Sammy Davis Urkle was searching for a drop light or some sort of flashlight that he did not need to hold so he could see what he was doing while digging a hole after dark in the side yard to bury Leo the fallen feathered fucker or Dinner as I so affectionately named him.  We did not have any sort of light source that Sammy Davis Urkle needed so I don't know what he did.  

 My main concern was that they did not find my cousins hamster Oxnard's remains in the side yard.  She buried him in the side yard a few years ago when he died because she lived in an apartment at the time. The damn thing even has a headstone.  Shit, my beloved dogs Champ and Spookie don't even have a headstone.  Holy shit, Jake the Wonderfish doesn't even have one!  Son of a bitch!  I might have to investigate that and blog about it later. 

A classic children's story

The whole time the burial was taking place Ginger Boy and I were giggling as we imagined scenarios of how Dinner (Leo) actually died.   I reminded him of the Louie Anderson Showtime Comedy Special back in the 80's when he talked about flushing his dead pet goldfish Pepper down the toilet.   He mentioned the parakeet that died and they tried to flush him.  "That thing wouldn't go down!"  Louie acted out his version of the bird going down the toilet.  We just laughed and laughed about that because it was a funny bit.   We are really a sick, sick pair.    We also wondered why they would even bother to bury the bird in the first place.  When one of their former dogs named Koko gave birth to her second liter of puppies, one puppy died.  They didn't bury that puppy, they just tossed it out in the big trash can.   FREAKS!

Call me sick for taking this picture but, I knew I would need evidence one day.

So how did Dinner(Leo) actually die?  Nobody really knows for sure but when Rasputia took him to be groomed recently, he needed his beak clipped and according to the bird groomer that means he may have liver troubles and he needs a diet rich in vitamin A.   With liver trouble I am wondering if he some how got into all the alcohol they consume upstairs.  That crap pretty much pickled my dad's liver so imagine what it could do to a bird.  I think it would have been high comedy if Dinner(Leo) got into some potent guacamole dip or inhaled  the Febreeze.  That would have not only been poetic justice of sorts it would have been fucking hilarious!!! 

Like this parrot, Leo is no more.




Bye Bye Birdy!
 (oh come on, you knew that was coming folks!)

 

All is well that ends well so they say.  But will it end well?  It's one down, seven to go, but knowing the Animal Hoarders upstairs they'll just get a new bird to replace the one that died.  Hell, they may get two more.   The only really good thing about the death of Dinner(Leo) is that for one whole day the house was silent.  The other birds were in mourning and they did not utter a sound.  I just think they were trying to figure out who was next.  I am going to go with mourning because even if they're annoying, they are sensitive feeling creatures just like a lot of other animals.  The weird thing about all this is Rasputia did not even shed a tear or so I was told by Sammy Davis Urkle.  How could not have feelings for your pets?  I mean I even get upset when I see roadkill for Pete's sake.  Then again, she doesn't have heart.  She can't, because she hates Bill Murray!  

There is just something creepy about people who kiss birds.

So Dinner(Leo) has gone to the great birdy beyond and I wait in anticipation of meeting his replacement.  I swear if it's an alligator I'm going to go against my beliefs and make a pair of shoes.

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!

Working Class Heroes

day 140
If you are wondering why so many music artists have remade this song then you obviously haven't listened to the lyrics closely. Working Class Hero has always been a favorite of mine because I could identify with the lyrics and because it's just such a good song.
John would have been 70 today, the same age as the man I wish was my father will be next month. Those two men lived very lives and have different views of the world. Different has night and day. The one was radical in his thinking with a creative soul. The other a gentle, easy going man with great wisdom. Both have inspired me in many ways and have been there in spirit when I needed them. Two different men, two working class heroes that I admire and respect.
When I stop to think about them, it makes life in the dump a little more tolerable.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day.

I am voting Republican because...Vote on November 2, 2010

day 137

Yet another reason for sticking around on this planet

day 136

Another musical genius. . . Tim Tucker.
The tune on the album isn't as twangy as this version but give it a listen and chances are you will dig it as much as I do.  Not only is Mr. Tucker a talented and creative soul but he is an amazing human being with a big heart. 

I am counting down the days until I hear his new album.  I'm just so ding dang dong proud of Timothy and all he has achieved in his short life time!

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!

BILL MURRAY

day 135

As many of you know I am a huge Bill Murray fan.  I'll just admit it, I LOVE BILL MURRAY!  It's not a romantic sort of love but a love of his work and respect for the artist too.  To me everything Bill touches is GOLD!  We will just forget about Charlie's Angels and Garfield because even Bill could not save those hideously stupid projects.  I mean c'mon the man is human and all humans make mistakes now and then.   

Remember the scene in Zombieland when Woody Harrelson's character Tallahasse freaks out when he meets Bill Murray?  Well, that is how I feel about Bill.   Mr. Murray is a living legend and he is right up there with the great ones.  Groucho Marx, Henny Youngmen, Milton Berle,  Moms Mabley, George Carlin, Sid Caesar, Phyllis Diller, Tottie Fields, Imogene Coco, Rodney Dangerfield,  John Belushi, Jack Benny, Abbott and Costello and all the rest, Murray is pure comic genius.

There are people who walk among us who do not see Bill in the same light as I do and I can't even weep for them because anyone who doesn't appreciate Bill's talent is either dead or really, really evil.  Rasputia is one of those people.  Bill is just too silly for her.  Rasputia would rather sit and watch Two and Half Men because she thinks "Charlie Sheen is really, really funny."   (pardon me while I vomit on my shoes)





She accidentally paid me a comment one time many, many moons ago when she told me I remind her of Bill Murray sometimes.  She thought she was putting me down but instead I was beaming with radiant joy.  I do believe I even heard Ode to Joy after she uttered those words.  I mean, little old me being compared to THE MASTER,  it was the highest of all compliments in my book.

During my darkest days and bleakest hours I have many unpleasant thoughts run through my head and there are only a few things that bring me back to reality.  One of them is Bill Murray.  I want to hang out on this planet long enough to see what Bill will do next.  It's kind of like my weird thing with Pixar films and Steve Buscemi but that is a blog for another time. 

So hats off to you Mr. Bill Murray.  I love you so, you sly dog you.

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!

EVERY VOTE COUNTS!

Day 134
A little light at the end of the tunnel is always good and a little escape is even better. Today I escaped with my little brother to The Manhattan Short Film Festival. It has become a sort of tradition for us. We are both film lovers. Not just main stream films but all types of films; short films are no exception. A lot of work goes into making these films and I am in awe of the film makers creativity. Each year we get to see 10 short films and then we vote for the film we thought was the best. 2009 was a hard year to top because I enjoyed all of the films that were presented. 2010 had a few clunkers  in it but I give the film makers kudos for their efforts.   There was a lot of death, sex and feet this year but overall it was an enjoyable festival.  The festival winner will be announced tonight and there were 6 films that really stood out for me. Watching, Party, Push Bike, Little Inconvenience, 12 Years and War. I sort of liked the film entitled The Pool but there was too much meanness in it and it made me feel uncomfortable.  I don't like bullies.

When it came to casting my vote, I was a little conflicted but I feel I voted for the film that made me laugh and heave a sigh of "aw, how touching" and that film was War. I am not a fan of War but the children in the film won me over. The same thing happened last year when I voted for Hammerhead.

A little joy in my life is a good thing and today I had some of that. If films are your thing I highly recommend attending the Manhattan Short Film Festival in 2011. You can even sit next to me.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!

Day 133

The whole cruel, cruel world disappears when I listen to The Beastie Boys.

For the record, I do all my own stunts too. Allow me to demonstrate The Flying Bowling Ball some footloose and fancy free Sunday. Mucho macho for a gal like me.

off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!