Forced into a hiding of sorts like the Frank family, this is a tale of survival. Actually, it's just my way to vent to keep my sanity because IF I don't do this, THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
7 years ago this very night my eyes, heart and mind were opened wide to a totally new television experience and TV watching just hasn't been the same since that night. I always like to check out new television pilots to see if they meet my standards. You know how picky I can be. I was intrigued by the commericals ABC was showing the previous weeks because Matthew Fox was in this show and I really thought he was fantastic on Party of Five. I also heard Terry O'Quinn would be a cast member too and he is damn talented even if the project sucks. Entertainment Weekly gave a nod so I thought I should give it a shot. So as my trusty dog Spookie and I settled in front of the television on September 22nd, 2004 we were ready to be entertained. I was not prepared for what happened next. I was totally blown away within the first 9 minutes of the show and I knew I would be hooked until the bitter end. Unfortunately, Spookie did not make it that far. He passed away 4 days later and even thought I was totally sad for a very long time, (I still am) I was happy my dog viewed this television pilot with me. The show even had a dog in it and I know Spookie was thrilled. Trust me, I knew my dog.
Oh I miss my mutt!!
I must admit, I have loved many shows in my lifetime and connected with so many different characters over the years. Out of all those shows, the one that means the most to me and has really ruined television dramas for me for almost forever became my ALL TIME FAVORITE television program. That show would be L O S T. I don't need to go into all the details of what makes this show so wonderful, you have a brain and a set of eyes and ears so you can be the judge for yourself. Check it out streaming on the now much despised Netflix. ( I still love Netflix.)
It sounds weird but I have found a little bit of myself in just about all of the main characters on the show. Maybe that is why I love the characters or maybe not. Whatever it is, it's just one hell of an amazing show. Well written, acted and directed. The music is equally amazing. I just love every moment of this series. Even the "shitty" 14th episode of season 3 entitled Expose was actually kind of funny. Unlike many other diehard fans, I did not feel cheated by the lame Nikki and Paulo plot line, I was glad to have a break from all the drama for one night. I have hung in there through it all. All the suspense, all the tears (a lot of tears), all the subtitles, all the deaths, all the WTF moments, all the "Oh, now I get it" moments, all the laughs, all the explosions, all the "NO WAY, DID THAT JUST HAPPENED?!" moments and aaaaaaallllllllllllll The Sawyer.
Smiling Sawyer
Oh James Ford how I love thee. My Sawyer sweet Sawyer I love thee sweaty, I love thee angry and I love thee smiling, I love thee in fucked up glasses and I love thee all grimy and in a cage, I love thee shirtless, I love thee wet, I love thee shirtless and wet, I even love thee as a talking action figure on my shelf. But I love thee most when you make pop culture references and give everyone a nickname. Son of a bitch, I LOVE THEE!
Fucked Up Glasses Sawyer
Grimy In A Cage Sawyer
Shirtless -N- Wet Sawyer
Talking Sawyer Action Figure
("Nicer ways to wake a man up Freckles. . .)
But my dear sweet Sawyer, dude, I think I love Hurley just a little bit more.
Hugo Reyes AKA Hurley
So tonight, on the evening when my Thursday shows return from vacation, I will just DVR them and watch them another time. At 9PM tonight I will pop in the DVD of the season one pilot episodeand relive what was one of THE best moments in my life 7 years ago. The night I became totally head over heals in L O S T.
There is 9/11 overkill in the air and I just can't take it anymore. I was drawn in this entire weekend because I am a history nut. Not buff, but nut. I am also like every Tim, Pete and Howard out there, I want answers too. I don't think we will ever know the truth. Was it really terrorist or was it some sort of conspiracy? Whatever it was, it was a serious fucked up mess and I felt totally helpless that day. I was a big ass wimp, all I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed with my dog and pretend nothing ever happened. If I were in any of those 3 buildings that day I would not have survived. I don't even know if I would have had the courage to help others. I would like to think that I would have but I just don't know. Usually when there is chaos all around me I block it out and do what I can to survive so maybe I would have been helpful. Knowing me I would use my main defense mechanism, my humor. I usually am able to find a bit of humor in any situation but I have yet to find any in the 9/11 Incident. I know exactly how I felt that day and there wasn't anything funny about it. Over the years I have lost many friends and I always had that same punched in the gut feeling when they died but on September 11th, 2001 it was a million times worse. My heart ached for humans I had never met and I thought how the fuck is the world going to heal after this? I knew the folks in New York were tough and would come together, at least I had hoped the would come together, and things would return to normal for them. I would weep for them but I knew they would all eventually be alright.
I didn't sleep much that evening and it was really hard to do anything normal. I forced myself to take a long walk and contemplate things. The next day I was supposed to feel elation as I celebrated the 35th Anniversary of The Monkees television program airing on NBC. There was no elation this day, I was pissed off! Pissed that innocent folks dies and people lost family members and friends. I was pissed at the "president" because well, I was always pissed off at that turd and now I felt like I had a reason. I didn't know who to blame for my being pissed off so I thought G.W. was the perfect target for my anger and Dick Cheney too. I was pissed off all day long at the stupid comments co-workers were making. This was a historical day for me because I actually kept my opinions to myself and I just listened. I hardly spoke to anyone. In my head I was full of rage and said a lot of not so nice things to these douche bags but I kept silent outside of my head. This was also the day I stopped going to the break room to eat my lunch. From that day on at that particular place of employment I would sit outside on nice sunny days or I'd find an empty room and eat lunch alone because I had nothing in common with these twits. I became anti-social for a while and instead of listening to The Monkees that day I settled for a little Rage Against The Machine and Hole. Believe me, I tried to listen to The Monkees but it just wasn't enjoyable.
Then the rage got worse when idiots started snatching up every flag in sight. It made no sense to me. If you were flying your flag(s) before 9/11 then keep on doing it but don't try to show false patriotism because everybody else is. I know some of you think that is an awful thing to think or say but it's how I felt and still feel. It also disgusted me the way people tried to make a buck off of this tragedy. I would never purchase any 9/11 tchotckes unless 100% of that money went to help the victims families. Plus a lot of that stuff they were selling was just so damn tacky! Plates, coins and t-shirts. Adding images of Jesus behind the Twin Towers was REALLY tacky and offensive to me. I started to become really depressed thinking about all of this stuff and then the true idiots surfaced. The dumb shits who went out and bought guns. The "eye for an eye" morons that permeate the mid-west and southern states. This would not solve anything, violence never does. I did not want our country to seek any sort of revenge, and this again put me in the minority of the American way of thinking. You hurt us, we hurt you, you hurt us again, and the vicious cycle will continue until there is nothing left. Maybe I was wrong in my thinking but revenge isn't always the best idea in my humble opinion.
My only concern during this horrific month was for the people left behind and those searching for survivors. The folks who were trying to put things back together and clean up during the aftermath. My mind was on 9/11 during the remainder of 2001. Halloween sucked that year. People were afraid to anwer their doors and left candy on their porches. I remember one lady who did answer her door and she told me and they boys to "be safe." Safe from what? I'm not eating crappy ass candy and even if I was, what would be the overall harm. A little diarhea maybe but well, it was just so bizarre. Thanksgiving always sucks so I didn't care much about that. Christmas was still Christmas but I wasn't nearly as happy as I usually am and I was silently depressed all December long. I felt sad for all the people and I was depressed that G.W. was still in office and I had fears that he would be looked upon as some sort of a hero and then I got pissed.
Over the years I have continued to be pissed and sad about 9/11 and completely fascinated by how all the events after the incident played out. It truly amazes me how incredibly strong some people can be and also how incredibly ignorant and stupid other folks can be. Humans are a curious breed and somethings will never change. When Osama Bin Laden was murdered I was not one those Americans cheering and jumping for joy. Not that I was sad that he died, I just thought it was a shitty thing to celebrate the death of someone. It reminded me of the way his followers cheered about the 9/11 Incident. It just felt wrong to me.
10 years after, just like everyone else, I am still wondering why. To all those that are gone I am reminded of a Tom Waits favorite.
Although technically we still have a few weeks left to enjoy the summer season, it's almost over in my world. Back to School time is here and I enjoy that time of year much more now than when I was in school. I loved learning new things, creating art projects, auditioning for the drama club plays, music class, photography club and going to the library but it was all the bullshit that went along with those lovely things that I did not care for. I was constantly surrounded by fools from the onset of Kindergarten all the way through my senior year of high school. The social butterflies who spent more time worrying about how they looked, who liked them and who like-liked them, those folks were really a waste of my time. It would have been just nice to go to school and not have so many people there getting in my way and boring me with details about their personal lives. It reminds me of facebook. I appreciate all the interesting news articles and a select few of the music videos that folks post on facebook but I don't want to know intimate details of a person's life. I don't care what you are feeding your children for dinner or what Bible verse helped you get over the fact that Avon stopped selling your favorite shade of lipstick. I DON'T CARE! So just like facebook, I had a love/hate relationship with school. I loved the learning but I hated the social bullshit.
I am not anti-social, I am just socially choosy. I choose to pay attention to the shit I like and the shit that is important or at least somewhat interesting in this world. If I like you or like-like you then we can discuss personal issues in a more private setting. So day in and day out I log onto facebook and I read the nonsense folks post and I want to reply "WHO GIVES A FUCK!?!?!", I know I sure don't! People who I once thought were intelligent human beings look like total dick wads on facebook. It makes me wonder if they were that way in high school. If they were, I would not have hung out with them. I would be cordial to them but I wouldn't hang in their social circle for fear I would be constantly subjected to their stupidity. It makes me sound like a stuck up bitch and perhaps I am but I don't care. Like Micky Dolenz once sang, "I've got no time baby, got lots a better things to do. . ." and it's true.
I'd rather hang out with the TV People because they are a lot more fun that most Real Life People. So this time of year as we edge closer to mid-September, I get that little tickle of excitement in my tummy. I am excited to see my old TV friends return from summer vacation and do what they do best, entertain me. I also get a little uneasy, anxious if you will, about what is coming and every August I make a deal with myself. I tell myself that this is the year that I will stand tall and not get involved with new TV shows. This is the year I won't listen to the hype or the buzz about a new show that will thrill me or change my life. This is THE year, I can do this! But then every year the Fall TV Preview of Entertainment Weekly Magazine arrives in my mailbox and temptation sets in. I stand there glaring at My Bible (EW Magazine) and say "Oh evil temptress you will not get the best of me this year!" The Bible glares back and says nothing but I know she is thinking "Yeah right sucker!" Another love/hate relationship.
When I was younger my TV addiction was much stronger than it is now. Every fall new programs would join the others and no matter what important event was going on in my life, everything stopped when My Shows were on. This is the reason I did not want to attend Nursery School, I didn't want to miss My Shows. Of course I didn't tell my mother that, I told her I wanted to spend time with her. That silly woman believed me because all children are just so honest. I am not sure at what age my TV obsession began but I do have physical evidence that it may have started at a very early age. My mother made a cassette recording of me at age 14 months and she was coaxing me to sing and I clearly said "No, I want to see My Shows."
Oh forget Easter, Sesame Street is on!
The recording is not like those one would hear on a silly ghost hunting shows in which the ghost hunters play a recording and then tell you what they want you to hear so you believe that it is some spirit from the great beyond. This is clearly a recording of a 14 month old with a serious television addiction.
A book like this would only keep me occupied for an hour since I already know all of the answers.
Now I don't want you to think I spent my entire childhood in front of a TV set. Oh no, there were other things that held my interest as a child. There was the music obsession, the going to the movies obsession, putting on plays obsession and the Plasticine obsession. That last one fizzled out once puberty set in. But back in the day I would spend hours recreating film sets with Plasticine and performing an entire movie for sheer entertainment. My Jewish neighbors loved listening to my rendition of Fiddler on the Roof. At age 7 I was one kick ass Tevye.
Once the VCR entered my life, I was able to delay my TV gratification and get things a little under control. However, each fall I became addicted to some new show and free time was spent watching hours of recorded shows. Looking back I still have no clue how I managed to function in life. Most people in high school were dragging in the morning because they were hung over, I was dragging because I stayed up late to catch up on my shows. I was smarter than the average high school alcoholic, I only drank on the weekends. Then I discovered No-Doz and the dragging had ended. Of course that began a whole other set of issues but that's a blog for another time.
I was often mocked for my love of TV. Folks could not figure out why a smart gal like myself would waste my time on the vast wasteland. The only conclusion I can come up with is television was and still is a source of comfort for me. It's better than a bowl of macaroni and cheese in my world. If I had a shitty day I could always sit down with the TV People and have a good laugh or a good cry. Charles Ingalls was my kind hearted sober father and Laura Ingalls was my spunky sister. Gidget Lawrence was my best friend and The Monkees were my four zany and talented older brothers that always cheered me up when I was blue. Lucy Ricardo was my awesome aunt and Mister Rogers was the nicest uncle ever. Easy Reader was one cool ass dude who lived down the street and Laverne DeFazio was a fun babysitter. The TV People were my family and friends, they were the kind of folks who just loved you for you. Right about now you're probably thinking I am insane but I am not. I was smart enough to know these were all actors but I liked to believe the characters they were playing were apart of my life because the folks that were in my life at that time weren't the greatest. This also worked with films as well and still to this very day I'd like to think that Edmund Gwenn is Santa Claus and George Burns is God.
I wasn't always glued to the television, I also did other things while watching TV. I wrote, folded laundry, made my Plasticine villages and films sets, did homework and I even learned. I was a huge fan of public television and PBS as well as Jeopardy were my main sources for retaining facts and information. I became a whiz at trivia games and dazzled my fellow students and friends with tidbits of knowledge each day. I was kind of like Ogilvie from The Bad News Bears in the way I spouted off my knowledge. I did and still do read a lot too but TV always added those lovely visuals. Visuals were always good except for MTV, some of those visuals were a waste of my time. I grew up with in the MTV era and while I enjoyed some of the music, I didn't always enjoy the videos. The visuals in my head were the best interpretation of the songs I enjoyed. However, I respect what the artists were trying to accomplish. MTV was the best way to advertise your music back then and it kept many a VJ employed and off the streets. I still giggle when folks talk about Kennedy being shot because in my head I picture Henry Rollins shooting the VJ Kennedy because she was so smart but she was a staunch Republican. That's the Kennedy I think of when folks mention Kennedy.
MTV had a really cool game show called Remote Control and I fell head of heals in love with the late and very great Ken Ober because he loved TV and knew so much about the shows just like I did. Finally someone on earth who might just understand me. I would have married Kenny if he asked me. Now MTV is a big fucking joke and the youth of today has no understanding of the words Music Television. It's all crap!
The years floated on and I continued to enjoy all the boob tube had to offer. I was always on a steady diet of re-runs because the TV People of the past seemed to cheer me the most. Every once in a while a new show would come along and dazzle be for a bit and then I would lose interest because of that whole "jump the shark" shit. With the exception of Tabitha Stevens and Michelle Tanner, most babies age way to fast in the TV World and that has always bothered me. So I gave up on a lot of those shows. Family Ties and Growing Pains, kiss my ass!
I became really connected to some of these fantasy world characters so much so that when they died or something bad happened to them I was moved to tears and sadness for days. When Gary Shepherd was killed in the bicycle accident on Thirtysomething I was a basket case for weeks. I found that little piece of heaven show while still in high school and hung in there until the bitter end despite the fact that all of the characters had a fondness for mustard, I could overlook that foible and still enjoy those TV friends of mine. The TV People may do things I don't care for but they never totally disappoint me. Not even when Rayeanne Graff had sex with Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life. At first I was in shock and disbelief. Like how could she like do that to Angela. I mean, Angela Chase was like her best friend and then she like breaks the friendship code and she like sleeps with Jordan. So for a few weeks I was bummed until the final episode of that series, then I got it. As painful as it was, it all made sense.
Evil can happen in the TV world but the evil does not come from the TV People, it comes from the lame network executives that make foolish choices and cancel shows too soon. Freaks and Geeks, need I say more. I will never get over that, EVER! When I think about it, it really makes my heart ache. It is the same ache I experience when I think about Sean Penn winning the Oscar for Mystic River over Bill Murray for his amazing role in Lost in Translation. Oh the pain!
With each falling leaf there was some new show to get hooked on and I often looked at folks in the real world around me and wondered if I was alone. I mean, I knew Ken Ober exisited but he was technically a TV Person, so I still felt alone. Was there some sort of TV Addict support group I could join? If there was, would those meetings interfere with my shows and was such a group really worth my time. I never pursued checking into such a thing, I had TV to watch.
Many moons later, DVR entered my life and it gave me power. With DVR I felt and still feel like I control the world. I can control my addiction. The regular shows along with other "Extra Crap", as I like to call it, are recorded each day of the week. I can pick and choose what I watch and watch it when I want to watch it. I RULE THE WORLD! Sometimes I record shit and I wonder why I need to watch this AGAIN, then I delete it. Case in point, how many times do I need to watch Funny Girl when I already have it on DVD and do I really need to watch the Wisdom of Solomon episode of Little House on the Prarie AGAIN just so I can hear Laura say "Wait til they see him at school, a genuine Negro person." Also with DVR I can keep shit that I have recorded in the TV and not on a VHS tape that could eventually become lost or broken. I once kept an episode of Better Off Ted for well over a year just because of the Biz Markie Radio Shack Christmas commerical. IT GAVE ME JOY! But don't get me started on commercials, I despise commercials! Once every 10 years something dazzles me and The Biz did it this time, the rest of that stuff is garbage.
(TOLD YOU SO!),
Something has happened to me now and maybe it's because I am getting older or I am close to growing up but, TV just does not thrill me anymore. I still watch My Shows but I don't get excited like I once did. I don't shout "Hooray!" when 30 Rock comes on and Glee doesn't make me go "Wheeeeeeeeeee!" ( For the record, I never actually said that about any show.). I like the characters, my TV People Friends, but I feel like we are growing apart. Michael Scott has left the building and the group just isn't the same. Since my ALL TIME HANDS DOWN FAVORITE SHOW ended in May of 2010 there has just been a big old TV void and even the old standards don't make me jump for joy anymore. I still think that Jane Bingum is a far better lawyer than Perry Mason ever was Monk and Columbo can solve any case but it is all starting to be just TV. I giggle at what the writers have done with my comedies and I am moved to tears when I watch re-runs of Little House on the Prairie but I am starting to feel a little empty. Face it, L O S T ruined TV for me. Other shows try to be like L O S T and that is just embarrassing for them. Besides who really wants a duplicate of one of THE greatest shows on television ever?
. . . it's pretty bleak my friends.
I like shows that are unique, that speak to me and there aren't that many anymore. Where are all the great family shows these days? ICarly is a sham! The TV People and their worlds will always be there when I need them. I am not missing anything if I don't get hooked on a new show or if I abandon one that is starting to get really sucky. I might enjoy a new Josh Holloway project but only if he says "son of a bitch" in every episode. I often enjoy it when TV People from one show end up on a new show as a different TV Person. It's kind of like when real life people relocate as part of the witness protection program. It's the main reason I started watching L O S T in the first place as well as The Good Wife. I like the TV Person you were so I am sure I will like the TV Person you have become now. Charlie Salinger and Nurse Carol Hathaway moved on to become Jack Shepherd and Alicia Florrick and I loved them!
You know when I really start to think about it, I guess I am starting to grow up now and not only am I socially choosy, I am TV choosy as well. It's not a bad thing to be. I am very proud to say that I have never watched an episode of The Bachelor or Gossip Girls. I can't name one single character on The Hills, I don't even know what that show is about. I tried to watch Celebrity Apprentice this past year just get a glimpse of crazy Gary Busey but that show is just too retarded and boring for me. As for those Kardasians, I will take Saturday Night Live and The Daily Show's word on it, those "ladies" and their show are just plain dumb and I don't even have to waste my time watching that rubbish. So being TV Choosy has sort of saved me from my addiction. Sort of. Ginger Boy thinks I am a TV Junkie. Well, it sure beats being a World of WarCraft Nerd! Most shows are now background noise and the only time you will find me "glued to the tube" is on Thursday nights watching most of the NBC line up and Louie on F/X because I need lots of laughs as I edge closer to the hellish weekend full of early morning bird sounds and the stinky odor of late night meat cooking by the Morelocks above us. TV will always be my escape even if it doesn't totally thrill me and that's okay. Now that I have a lot of real friends who are just as dependable as the TV People I don't need that much escape anymore. Only just a little escape every once in a while.
Today the old temptress arrived in the mailbox and as I took a gander at the cover of this extra large double issue with photos of some of my old TV People Friends, I told her that this is the year I finally stick to my word, I will not get hooked. Yes, Fall 2011 TV Preview Issue of Entertainment Weekly you won't get me hooked on anything new by golly! Then I took a deep, deep breath and opened the cover. Ah, son of a bitch!
