Forced into a hiding of sorts like the Frank family, this is a tale of survival. Actually, it's just my way to vent to keep my sanity because IF I don't do this, THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
I can't remember what day it is in the Funky Anne Frank Room because I was released from that "prison" a month after my last post in February. Technically, I was on "parole" in October when Rasputia was voted off the island. OH HAPPY DAY!!!! I stopped counting the days and started enjoying the freedom. There have been so many changes to the household dynamics and it's pretty groovy around here. So this will be the final post in this forum. I will be moving on to another forum to rant and rave about shit that bothers me. Believe me, there is a lot. A LOT!
Life isn't perfect and it sure isn't easy. Life is, nowadays, a lot more enjoyable. No longer are we under the rein of the tyrannical Rasputia.
We are able to enjoy ourselves around here without all the gloom and doom. There are still things buzzing around that get in the way of happiness, but they are fleeting, and things have a way of working out for the better.
I invite all my dear faithful followers to join me in the next phase of this adventure. Be sure to check your in box.
You asked for it. You really wanted it, so here it is. I have just been so busy. Too busy to complain, too busy to do anything. I slip away for the occasional film or rendezvous for some hot tea, but mostly I am just busy, busy, BUSY! The ickiest day of the year is almost here and I will be so damn happy when it is gone. Oh Valentine's Day I despise you. Perhaps not as much as I despise eggs, but it's pretty close. I did get my annual February 13th flowers one day early this year because I am just such a lucky girl.
Februrary13th Flowers
In a few days all the red and pink shit will be 50% off and we can move on with our lives until the next thing comes along. It's always something. I wish I had a bigger rant or a really good poem but, I am too damn busy for originality.
My heart may not be all in for Valentine's Day, but it's all in for love.
It's almost over, this 2012 thing is almost over. I call it a thing because it wasn't a pretty good year. It wasn't even swell. I ended my 2011 Closing of the Year post with a list of things that I was looking forward to in 2012. They all came true, and that part was swell. It was all the unexpected things that knocked me for a loop. Perhaps the worst thing that happened in 2012 was that beyond miserable day in Newtown Connecticut. It is still fresh in my mind and if I had a Hot Tub Time Machine I would go back and make sure that it never occurred. However, what Daniel Faraday taught me about time travel is, "whatever happened, happened." That just sucks. Moving right along. . .
SHIT I LOVED IN 2012 (in no particular order)
W. Kamau Bell
I always found him to be a funny fellow, and now I love him even more. His show Totally Biased on the F/X cable network is just what I needed to help me laugh my way through the 2012 Election and other current events that pissed me off this year. I am so glad his show will be back for a second season.
Talking to Lewis Black's parents
After a really shitty week and even shittier day, I had to pop a Xanax before going to see Lewis Black perform on Micky Dolenz's Birthday (that's March 8th to regular humans). I was super relaxed that evening and by the time the show was over and I got to chat with Uncle Lew again, well, it was like talking to myself. I told him to have fun with his parents to which old Lew replied, "Ah, they're pricks!". Then I saw his parents and I said, "You have a lovely son.", to which his mother replied in a whiny unhappy tone, "Good-bye." Either that lady is hard of hearing or she really is a prick. In either case, that was the highlight of my evening.
Moonrise Kingdom
Even if Bill Murray didn't have a role in this film, I would have loved every moment of it. The fact that Bill is a part of this majestic project makes me love it even more. The set detail, the music, costumes and cinematography made this darling gem of a story even better. I know it will never receive the accolades that it deserves, but it sure has my vote for Best Picture in 2012.
The Student with the Charlie Brown Head
Since I can't name real life names, I will call this little boy, "The Student with the Charlie Brown Head" because he has big ass head. I love this kid! He is so pleasant and polite and just a sheer joy to be around. This fellow says random funny things and he gives me a big old hug each day before he goes home. Old Charlie Brown head makes me laugh a lot, and that is very good thing. VERY GOOD!
Mike Nesmith LIVE on stage!
If I was putting things in order, this should be number one. It was AMAZING and a little bittersweet because Davy was not there. However, it actually seemed more like a real concert than a show. Don't get me wrong, I love the shows The Monkees have put on for me (and a few others) over the years, but this was like really ROCKIN'! Mike's son Christian was there performing along with my boys and that was a delightful surprise. I was never a huge fan of the song Daydream Believer. I mean, it's an okay song, but it's not one I MUST hear. It is a staple of each Monkee show and for some reason it's a real crowd pleaser, too. This time around it was like, totally sad. We, the audience were responsible for singing the song. It just made me cry because I missed the way it was. It will never be that way again, but what was going on in the theatre that night, well, it was sort of magical and I was satisfied.
The Return of L O S T
One day I just sitting reviewing my DVR programs to be recorded queue and minding my own god-damned business like I always do. Then out of nowhere, L O S T appeared four times on a Monday schedule. I thought it was a fluke. I mean, the show ended in May of 2010, so how is this all possible. I never deleted it from my DVR queue. The weird part is that the show originally aired on ABC and these re-runs were on the G4 network. I immediately heard John Locke say, "it's fate." So, I believed it, and now I watch it. 4 back to back episodes every Monday night. It brings me back to simpler times and I love being with my favorite TV people. L O S T will always be my all time favorite television program. I have all the seasons on DVD, and I can watch the show whenever I want to even on the Netflix. However, for some reason I feel compelled to view the episodes that are aired on G4. I am not sure why, but I do. I guess it is fate.
The Shoebooty Family
I have a wonderful group of friends that are like family to me. My real family sucks! They don't care about me the way that my friends do. This is why I love my friends so much. They're also really cool. We may not see each other that often, but we are there for each other, even if it's only in spirit. 2012 proved to be the year of The Shoebooty. I don't like to play favorites, but if I were handing out a Friend of the Year Award, it would go to the Shoebooty Family. No matter what my joy, sorrow, quandary, crisis, or exciting moment, the Shoebooty's were there. Lending a helping hand, a place to hang, a hot meal, free shoes, delivering bananas, and sharing many interesting and exciting adventures together, these folks were there without a bat of an eye. I know if the rest of my friends lived closer they would do the same for me because they're cool like that, too. I just feel the need to give a Hats Off to the Shoebooty Trio! ROCK ON!
The Final Season of Breaking Bad AMAZING!! I cannot wait for part two of this season to begin.
Joe Biden
I don't give a fig where you stand politically, you gotta love Joe Biden. He is one crazy Irish fucker and I love the guy. The shit he said and did this past year just made me giggle for a long ass time. He made the 2012 Vice Presidential Debate a hilarious romp in my humble opinion. To the powers that be I say, UNCHAIN BIDEN and give him his own television show. It would have to be on HBO because I want some curse words in it. Real curse words!! Oh, and Lola's mother could play his cranky neighbor who is constantly afraid of being attacked by bats. Joe would use this against her and then hi-jinx would ensue. In my head it would be an award winning show.
Jessica Lange in American Horror Story
Oh, Ms. Lange, you are fantastic! I thought you couldn't top your performance as Constance from season one of AHS, but I was wrong. Sister Jude is a very rich character. There are so many damn facets to this lady and you, Ms. Lange, do a fucking bang-up job of making her shine no matter what awful situation she gets herself into. Pshaw! to Meryl Streep!! Ms. Lange, YOU are the world's greatest living actress!
Going Back to School
It's not a piece of cake, but it sure is an interesting ride being in school again. I am learning a lot of new things, and I am able to share my knowledge with some of the idiots in my classes. OY VEY, there are so many.
Call the Midwife
I was in a Downton Abbey slump waiting for Season 3 when I discovered a little show called Call the Midwife. Much to my delight this is a rather fantastic program. In fact, I actually like Call the Midwife more than Downton Abbey. The characters are very textured and the story lines are real. I give an added bonus for the music and clever casting. Cheers to the UK! Those folks across the pond make excellent television shows.
The Dollar General
With the economy being what it is and my personal budget being tighter than a nun's ass hole, I have to find bargains anyplace I can. The Dollar General is where all of your bargain finding dreams come true. You can buy a six pack of toilet paper for 1 dollar. ONE FUCKING DOLLAR! That's a bargain!! Laundry detergent, lotion, peanut butter, even socks can all be found for a very low price at The Dollar General. WHO KNEW!??!!!!!
Other Shit I Loved in 2012
Modern Family Trees Giggles from my Little Learners Billy Baloney! My DVR The Middle My Star Shaped Ice Cube Trays Snapple The Neighbors Crazy Encounters Pixar Postage Stamps Antenna TV Flowers Butterflies Shane and Lori are gone! Music Class Parades The Sunshine Soap Company Pencils and Sharpies Fresh Tomatoes Cellos and Guitars Hot Tea Finding Nemo in 3-D Chia Seeds Rasputia was voted off this island Rasputia went to jail for 2 weeks! Pajanimals
SHIT THAT SUCKED IN 2012
Sandy Hook and Hurricane Sandy
These are two things that I haven't been able to get off of mind since they both occurred. I wake up each morning thinking about the folks who lost their homes and loved ones. I think about those innocent children and ladies who were murdered and the lost soul who murdered them. I think about all of the survivors of both tragedies and worry about them. I don't even fucking know them, and I worry about them. It's a big bummer!
Ann Curry and her Random Acts of Kindness Bull Shit
Okay, I am all for doing random acts of kindness. I am also all for doing them in the memory of the lives lost at Sandy Hook Elementary. I am NOT all for telling everyone what act kindness you performed. I was always taught that random acts of kindness are to be kept anonymous. That's what makes them so very special. Some have argued with me that hearing about what someone else did for others would be inspiring. FUCK THAT! If you need to be inspired to do something nice for others then you're a douche bag. You should just strive to do good things for the sake of doing them. If you don't feel the urge to do something good unless you see someone else do something good then there is really something wrong with you; in my humble opinion.
Money
Money really is the root of all evil! When you have a lot of it you waste on stupid frivolous things that you tell yourself you deserve. FUCK YOU! If you don't have enough of it, but still feel the urge to get those frivolous things you deserve then you go about doing bad shit to get the money so you can get the things. FUCK YOU! If you have a little bit, you try to make it stretch and get the things you need, but you end up getting the things others want and then you suffer the consequences. That is the worst thing of all. If you say that you have no money worries then you are a big ass liar. Everyone worries about money. Rich folks worry about getting more and more money and protecting the money they have. Poor folks worry about getting more money so that they may live another week or a another day without being cold or hungry. I am not a fan of money. I wish we could bring back the barter system. I will sing you a song if you make me dinner. I will mow your lawn Mr. Pharmacist if you can give me some medication. It will never work because someone will get greedy. I really hate money, but I know I need it in order to survive on this planet. GOOD GRIEF!!
The Mittens and Barry Show
I was pleased with the outcome of the 2012 election. The process leading up to Barack Obama's re-election was a nightmare. The pre-show and the actual show was too fucking unreal and downright mean at times. It seems to get worse each time around. I am just going to stop right there because I am tired of thinking and talking about it.
People
"I HATE PEOPLE! I just hate what they do to me." A wise 4 1/2 year old once spoke those words and I couldn't agree with him more. There are about 2 and half handfuls of folks that I adore, but the rest of the human race. . . YUCK! I do my best to get along with my species, but they don't make it very easy. The meanness I saw in 2012, particularly in the fall months outweighed all the kindness I felt from others in 2012. That is just really pathetic. For some reason it was just worse this year. I wonder if it is because people really thought the world was going to end. They all were just, like, "fuck it! I am not being nice to anyone!" Well, shame on People in 2012! Shame on a whole lot of them. I hope they get their shit together in 2013. Morons fall under this category too. I am surrounded by them in classes at school. Grown folks who really, REALLY do not have a clue about anything. It boggles my mind how they are even able to wake up each day and function. Do I think that I am better than them? No, I do not think that. I just know that I am a bit more in tune to what is going on in the world around me. They are nice people, but they live in a bubble. A bubble much like the folks who believe everything they see and hear on FOX NEWS.
Davy Jones Died!
Lots of good folks died this year. A bunch of regular ones, and celebrity ones, and even important ones, too. Perhaps the one that really made my heart hurt just a wee bit more than the death of MCA (Adam Yauch, to you normal humans) was the death of David Thomas Jones. I didn't know the guy personally, but he was a part of my every day life. He was a Monkee. The Monkees have always been there for me when I needed them. Even more than the TV People. If it weren't for The Monkees I might not even be here right now. So, Davy is dead. It sucks and I will move on I suppose. I just never thought a Monkee would die before me. As weird as it sounds I mourned the loss of Davy Jones more than the loss of my own father. Oh wait, my father was a drunken abusive asshole, so of course I wouldn't mourn his death. I attended Davy's memorial in Beavertown PA and it wasn't nearly as sad as I thought it would be. I actually had a nice time considering the circumstances. I even stole pine cones ("Pine cones, pine cones as big as pineapples!") from the House Where Davy Dwelled. I am just thankful for this incredible memory of mine. I am able to relive every Monkee moment of my entire life! I can close my eyes and enjoy any Monkees show I want to any time I please. My world continues to spin even without Davy Jones in it. Just please, PLEASE let me go before Bill Murray!!! PLEASE!
Text Message Jargon
This irritates me to no avail! We have a beautiful language that is butchered by people on a daily basis. You will never catch me texting "LOL" to anyone. I would much rather respond to something that I find funny with, "HILARIOUS!" or "That's funny!" I would rather type things correctly than use the silly text message language. To me, it is lame. Lazy and lame!
Important Stuff Broke
2012 was the year a lot of important stuff broke. We lost the dishwasher, the upstairs fridge, the door on the dyer, the downstairs toliet and we are soon entering year number 3 without any heat in the house. The toilet did get fixed, but well, the part is defective. This results in random flushes. I will survive, and one day I will have money to get things repaired or replaced. I keep telling myself that because I know there are folks far worse off than I will ever be.
Where the HELL is Community!
Community is a television show that is not for everyone, but it is certainly for me! There was talk of moving the show from Thursday nights to Friday nights. I can handle that; I have DVR. There was also talks of the show getting cancelled. Then I heard that the show would come back in October 2012. Well, October 2012 has now moved to February 2013 and we, the fans, are cheated out of a Halloween and a Christmas episode. Yes, it sucks!
Other Shit That Sucked in 2012 The mess in Syria!! Cancer Crazed gunmen killing people Phyllis Diller died Another year goes by without a new Damien Rice album T-Dog and Dale are no more Diet Snapple now has calories The Dallastown Curse strikes again The death of Ginger Boy's BIG ASS TV! Diabetes
My Favorite Films of 2012
I saw a lot of movies in 2012, but only a very small group really stood out and made it to my list of favorites. Here they are:
Beasts of the Southern Wild Brave Moonrise Kingdom Sleepwalk with Me The Campaign Your Sister's Sister
All the other films I saw were just dandy, but these 6 were the best!
Things I Am Looking Forward to in 2013
The return of all my favorite shows foot surgery The Golden Globes paying off the electric bill paying off those medical bills new panties MONSTER'S UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the return of the butterflies good books groovy music BAFTA'S daffodils a birthday balloon seeing Taffy again happier days swell films another NYC visit Di Fara's Pizza The Oscars a little magic and lots of LOVE. . . .
False hope and lies make it hard for one to believe in the magic of the season. Looking upon Christmas as a child does you can sort of feel that magic, but it quickly fades away like a watercolor picture on a rainy day. You miss those that have left the planet and you worry about the sick, poor, struggling, sad and lonely. Then you realize you're in that group; you're lonely. The best thing to do is spend your Christmas where you feel loved. What if you don't know where to find that place? Make it up as you go along and look towards a happier Christmas next year. You'll see the ones you love and it will be just like home again. Until then, have yourself a groovy little Christmas. Alone. Cheers!
I haven't been in the mood to post anything in 3months. Oh, believe me, I have a lot to say on a variety of topics. So much has happened in the past 3 months, and I was gearing up for a full blown rant this weekend. I was going to tell the story of Rasputia being voted off the island and share the tales of woe since that wonderful miracle. Oh boy, oh boy, did I have some good things to rant about and of course share my thoughts on things such as the Fiscal Cliff, seeing Mike Nesmith live and in person performing with the remaining Monkees ( a dream come true), Barry and Biden Abide for 4 more years, and the delightful story of The War on Christmas 2012. However, something more important than my own personal joys and my self created drama occurred and I am finding it difficult to remain silent. Just like a lot of folks, the shooting in Connecticut Friday morning has been on my mind. It's mind blowing. Fucking mind blowing! I am feeling more anger than sorrow today for obvious reasons. If those reasons are not obvious to you then you must be like Hymie the Robot from Get Smart. I am not going to talk about guns because if you know me, then you must know how I feel about guns and have always felt about guns. I had a very difficult time handling a prop gun for a play I was in back in high school. Guns aren't my thing. The only practical use for a gun would be in a zombie apocalypse because hitting Walkers with a hammer isn't a good idea. You have get close to them and well, they could bite you. Then where would you be. Personally, I am tired of the 2nd amendment argument I hear from the gun toters and the NRA members. The constitution was written so very long ago by men in power who wore wigs and hosiery. Our founding fathers didn't envision the kind of shit that went down on Friday morning when they agreed on a right to bear arms. Changes should have been made to that piece of paper many, many years ago so we could avoid this type of senseless tragedy, in my humble opinion.
I am pretty pissed off, and I am also sad because this shit hits close to home. I love children, I work with children and I am a great advocate for the child. I would rather spend time with children than grown ups most days. Maybe it's because I am on the same level as children. Part of me never grew up, and trust me, this is a very good thing. So when someone fucks up and harms the most innocent of our species I get angry; like Lewis Black level of anger. What makes me really angry is I honestly don't know who to blame for this anger. In my heart I just cannot blame the shooter because I feel sadness for him. I know that sounds weird and borderline insane to a lot of folks, but I can't help how I feel. The dude obviously had a lot of issues and no one seemed to be able to reach him. That makes me very frustrated. I can't blame his mother because I don't know the lady, and I don't know if she tried to get him help. I know nothing of what her life and her son's life was like prior to his breaking point. As someone who suffers from a mental illness I can totally relate to the feelings of despair and loneliness as well as anger. However, if I am going to do harm to anyone, I would do it to myself. There have been times when I thought about doing harm to Ann Coulter, but I just want to kick her, not kill her. I guess I could be pissed off at god, but then there is that whole issue which is my own personal inner struggle; does god exist? My sane rational side tells me god is just a mythical character created by man. Oh boy, are there some interesting stories about that guy. Talk about anger. OY VEY! However, my Catholic up bringing (cough-cough. gag!) tells me that there must be a god because Father Fracchi said so. Of course that guy wore a long dress and a cape and scared the living shit out of me with his loud sermons, so I don't know if I should believe him or not. Well, whatever I want to believe this week I am not going to spend my time debating the existence of god with myself. I guess the best that I can do, that we all can do is just spend time with the ones we love and let them know that we love them. I will continue to do my best to keep my children happy and safe. I must talk about my anger and sadness and not keep it inside like I normally do. I doubt any of us will ever get the answer to the big question; why. We just need to endure.
Anyone who knows me knows that I get a really thrill and chuckle out of politics. The thrill part comes from me being fascinated about how it all works and the chuckle comes from knowing how it all works. I feel a twinge of excitement as an election draws near and I also feel nauseous too. I don't care much for political ads and that's just because I hate commercials. However, I don't mind an entertaining infomercial every now and then. The recent broadcast of the RNC and the DNC were major infomercials. As far as entertainment value goes, the RNC gave me only one huge laugh and the DNC gave me several thrills and one very touching moment. Clint Eastwood and the Empty Chair performance was hilarious! While I did not agree with what he was saying, I thought he did an fantastic job of making Romney and Ryan feel incredibly uncomfortable and he was just funny. I am still of fan of Mr. Eastwood and I respect him for his body of work, I just don't care for his politics. The DNC speeches were good. I have always been a fan of Elizabeth Warren and I loved her speech. I also loved listening to what Michelle Obama had to say and then there was Bill. Bill Clinton needs to give more speeches just like Neil Patrick Harris needs to host all the important awards shows. Hell, Willie needs to go on tour. I'd be in the audience for that performance. I was moved to tears when Gabby Giffords said the Pledge of Allegiance, and anyone watching who did not have a smile on their face after that really has no heart. So yeah, I dig political events. I am smart enough to know that as one friend pointed out, they're just one big pep rally. He doesn't like pep rallies, and fortune cookies are dead to him.
Pep rally or not, I enjoy the excitement in the air at a political event. So when Lola invited me to volunteer for an event over Labor Day weekend I said "YES, I CAN!" . Lola is what I consider the heart and soul of politics in my town, and she doesn't even live here. She doesn't even live in this state, but it is her home state and she will do all she can to make sure folks in this little village get out and vote on election day. As some of my faithful readers know, Lola is really awesome and outrageous. I would even say she is more outrageous than Jem, and Jem is outrageous. She's truly, truly outrageous.
I was told that Joe Biden was going to pay a visit to our little village and that was kind of nifty. I had a 50% chance of meeting Mr. Biden and my reaction was much the same as when I met Captain Kangaroo when I was 5. "Oh, okay." I loved Captain Kangaroo, but let's face it, he's not Bill Murray or one of The Monkees. So the level of excitement was fairly mellow, and the meeting was just okay. The thought of meeting Joe Biden was about the same. Now if I had a chance to meet Barack that might be a bit more exciting, but I REALLY would love to sit down with Michelle for an hour or two. She is the first First Lady in the history of First Ladies to just be so very down to earth and awesome. Jackie O. had style, but she was too composed for my taste. Hilary is a much better politician than a person in my book, and believe it or not, I liked Laura Bush. She was married to a real twit, but she seemed like a nice Southern lady who makes a good pie and has interesting tales to tell. But Michelle, well, Michelle is my girl! Her whole approach to staying healthy is very inspiring to someone who struggles with trying to stay healthy daily.
However, the gig was all about Joe, and it was a chance to do something I had never done before. It all sounded groovy to me. I was told there would be a secret meeting at a secret location and a secret time with the keepers of all secrets, The Secret Service. When I informed friends and "family" members of my involvement with this event there seemed to a re-occurring theme in their words. Basically, I was told "Behave yourself!" REALLY!?!! Am I that bad that I need to be told by folks to behave myself. I am after all a legal adult. So what if I am prone to giggle a bit during serious situations. Humor is how I deal with everything in my life. Shit, if I didn't have a sense of humor I would have died years ago. I should have felt insulted, but instead I just laughed about being told to behave myself. "Fuck them! I will do what I want to do!", was the attitude I carried for days prior to this event. However, as the event drew closer I had to rethink that whole attitude of mine. So many things were going on in my head, and I had visions of being dragged off to some secret holding cell but the Secret Service because I giggled when I should have been serious. I had visions of being on the evening news as the girl who made too many wisecracks or getting in big ass trouble for doing my whole Biden "UNCHAIN WALL STREET" impersonation.
As we approached the secret location at the secret hour for the secret meeting with the Secret Service the night before the big event all I kept hearing in my head was, "Behave yourself." Hell, I even heard the TV People telling me that. It was starting to creep me out when Jin and Sun from L O S T were speaking Korean to me. I knew I had to get a grip and just relax. I could have popped a Xanax, but I knew things would not end well if I did that. Instead I went to my Happy Place and played it cool. I was so cool, it was if Jeff Lebowski had taken over my body.
Lola painted this lovely sign.
We, being me and Mr. Fortune Cookies Are Dead To Me, entered the secret meeting and there was not one single Secret Service person to be found. I felt kind of ripped off at this point. It's like if there is a meeting and punch and pie is advertised but there isn't any punch and pie. What a bummer. We sat behind Lola and some of her old high school friends. Lola looks really young for her age, and perhaps that is because of her attitude towards life. Her old high school friends are nice people, but they did not age as well as she did. It was weird seeing her chatting with these grown-ups. Really weird. The secret meeting began and we were told what would take place during the Biden Show. Then they started asking for volunteers to play the different roles in this show. Dead Fortune Cookie Man and I just sat back and waited. I don't think he was really thrilled about the pep rally. Finally we were told that we would be part of the Line Team. I had no clue what that really meant. The sensible side of me figured we would be assisting folks that would be standing in line for this event. In my head I thought we'd be doing lines of cocaine off someones tokus, and that is just gross.
Without my glasses this sign reads "Bed Knocks".
We were led out into a lobby by Derrick the Dick. Words came out of his mouth, but I was not really interested in what he had to say. Then I was tapped on the shoulder by a lady who said she needed some folks to be a part of the Press Team. I just heard the word "press" and visions of Brian Williams and Jon Stewart began to dance in my head. For some strange reason I also saw Wink Martindale. I don't know what that was all about. We went with the lady who said she was our"Captain", and 3 other folks joined us. They seemed nice except for Annoying Harry Potter Girl. Was she 12? She sure did act like it. I could tell by the look on Fortune Cookie Hater's face that he was not thrilled with this chick. Later it was confirmed by both of us. We did not like Annoying Harry Potter Girl. I was thinking of ways to avoid her during the show on Sunday. You see, when someone annoys me it just brings out a mean side of me. The unkind comments just flow out of my mouth. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I also didn't want her cast some nerdy Harry Potter spell on me. I knew I just needed to avoid her as much as I could.
Preparing for the Biden Show.
The moon was rather full as we headed home that evening, and I knew I would not get much sleep because I was starting to get excited. It wasn't quite the same excitement I feel on Christmas Eve or before a Monkees concert, but I was still excited. I mean, anyone who is on Team Obama and would be working at this type of event should feel some sort of excitement.
Sunday came and we headed off to the Biden Show. All the cast members and stage crew met outside and then it hit me, our "Captain" was a Secret Service Agent. Unlike the night before, she was dressed all official and her outfit was officially boring complete with the ear piece. All those boring fuckers we saw the night before setting the stage were Secret Service. Even Hot Borat Guy. Oh, I feel rather hard for Hot Borat Guy. He looked like a young Sacha Baron Cohen but not as gawky and he was clean shaven and much better looking. Maybe it was his height or his dreamy eyes that reminded me of Mr. Cohen. The night before he was lifting heavy objects and putting them back down like most men should. Today he was dressed in a suit with an ear piecein his lovely ear and looking particular tasty to me. In my head I heard a few Damien Rice tunes and I had to tell myself to focus.
SPADE!
There was a David Spade looking wannabe roaming about in his suit. I pointed him out to Cookie Hater and we shared a giggled or two. Each time I saw this David Spade fellow and I would say, "Spade." Then I looked around and the sea of folks surrounding us and thought it was not a good idea to use that particular word anymore. It could be taken out context, and I do have some class you know. Annoying Harry Potter Girl was there being annoying of course, and I got a text from Cookie Man that he wanted to "murder her in the face." Now that is some serious shit. You know someone is annoying when there is talk of face murder.
Then our little group of Press Wranglers were gathered together and told by the Secret Service Captain that we had "the most important job of all." We had to make sure the Press stayed where they belonged. There was a special area for the Press and if they got out of hand, we had to wrangle them back to the Press Corral. I began to feel really important at this point or at least I pretended to be important. Everyone in our little group was given their special duties for the day. I was told that I would be "eyes", because the Secret Service needed an extra pair. It's a good thing I wore my glasses.
I was a hell of a lot more tougher than these clowns.
Standing outside with the Secret Service and other security was pretty nifty. I showed the Press where they needed to check in and told them to line up their bags on the sidewalk so the bomb sniffing dog could inspect the bag. Oh how I wanted to pet that bomb sniffing dog. I miss having a dog to pet and cuddle with. I long for the day when I can find the right dog for me, and we can live together in bliss. As the press checked in I studied them all very carefully all the while saying in my head, "If you leave your area, I will fuck you up!" I am pretty damn tough in my head. In fact, on this day I was Samuel L. Jackson in my head, minus the gun.
I watched all the people in line outside waiting to get in to see the Biden Show. I saw Lola on the lawn being her Lola self and getting interviewed by the press. She sure puts on a good show. I was getting a little bored after a while waiting for the Press to do something wrong just so there would be some action. Although I am not a fan of guns, I was waiting to see guns drawn and hear loud voices while some meek little news reporter began shitting his pants and feeling regrets over bringing a small baggie of confectioners sugar with him for the Funnel Cake Party he was attending later in the day. Hey, it could happen. However, it only happened in my head and it was pretty fantastic.
It was time to move inside and away from the outdoor Snore Fest. Inside the place was booming! A high school band was playing and they were really loud. I understand why the high school marching band was there, but I think the pre-show would have been better if they played pre-recording music or hired an awesome band. Actually, I think Chris Rock should have been on stage warming up the crowd. But, it was a Sunday and the event was in a school with an all ages crowd and Mr. Rock is more of a Mature Audiences Only type of performer.
Finally someone stepped on stage and then it was speech after speech from well, a set of real no names in my humble opinion. I mean, they are important at the local political level, but after almost 5 hours of waiting around and being eyes for the Secret Service I was just ready for the main event. I almost shouted, "RELEASE THE BIDEN!" I kind just uttered it under my breath. My blood sugar was getting low, but I held it together. Then just as I was about to give up, something happened. My Captain gave me some orders and I had to do my duty. I had to make sure the lowly peasant civilians out in the lobby moved aside because something important was about to happen. Would The Biden walk by me and be within arms reach? That would be cool. I took my new duty seriously and made sure the folks stood back behind the barrier. That barrier was me. Yep, goofy old me with my arms stretched out so no one could get past me. There was one trouble maker and she tried to get past me several times. Finally I politely said to her in my best teacher voice, "I understand your are excited, but you need to stand back and behave yourself because the Secret Service are watching your every move." She did not look happy, but fuck her. Kooky broad. No sooner than I said that, something interesting happened. Major Network Press arrived on the scene and filed past me. It sounded just like this in my head. . .
The entourage was lead by 3 Secret Service Brothers decked out in fancy suits complete with sunglasses, ear pieces, and black attache cases. It was AWESOME! I watched them walk in one by one, NBC, CNN, C-SPAN, CBS, ABC, fox, and a few others that were unidentifiable. I knew The Biden had landed.
"I don't need you booing folks, I need you voting."
The joint was finally jumping as Biden was introduced and bounded on stage like your fun uncle making a grand entrance at his Birthday party. People were hooting and hollering and I remained calm. I guess this was just a bit more exciting than meeting Captain Kangaroo. He spoke for a total of 18 1/2 minutes. The crowd ate that shit up because what he was saying was really interesting and really good too. At one point this shady looking dude who was kind of an oddball turned to one of the Secret Service Agents and said in a sort of weird creepy way, "He's a genius! I love his wife." At that moment I did something I normally don't do. I prayed to God to make me not laugh out loud and draw unnecessary attention to myself. Well, God must have heard me or perhaps Joe Biden did because he said something funny and I was able to release my inner laughter. I began observing the oddball and realized something was not right with him. As my mother would say, "he is not wrapped too tight." Later that same oddball told me that I was a genius. I looked him straight in the eyes and said in a very serious tone, "I know."
Wearing his beige Member's Only jacket, the Oddball works the crowd.
It is creepy how his jacket was the same color as Joe Biden's jacket.
As Joe left the stage and the event wound down to idle chatter, I thought about this whole day. It was another exciting adventure in the John Waters film that is my life. It was a good day and for once I actually behaved myself. Well . . .
Did you ever wake up one day and realize you were doing it all wrong? You thought you had a hold on things and everything was going your way. Then bit by bit pieces of your life started to slowly crumble and break a part. Yep, things are loopy in the Funky Anne Frank Room once again. This time I have learned so many lessons and I am going to finally get it right. I don't play Words with Friends but I am starting to listen to words from friends. They all seem to say the same thing and their words match up with the ones in my head. I am so much wiser than I was several summers ago. A big change is coming, and it feels so right.
I had a Birthday yesterday. It was good. REAL good. Surprisingly, I did not spend my day alone with my balloon. I had sort of an adventure. It was a very good day until around the eleventh hour as I was settling down with Jon Stewart I got all introspective on myself. The past four days have been full of words and events that I can't seem to shake off. The one I usually turn to is not helpful at present, so I have to turn to myself. What the hell do I know?!!!? I don't have all the answers and well, this is just how life is. It's not like it is in the movies or on TV. It isn't even as pretty as a song. It can be terribly messy and terribly wonderful all at the same time, and not just for those of us on medication. All you need is one person who really gets it to say, "Hello Friend, come sit by me." Once you have that, the rest of the pieces eventually find their way into place. Puzzle solved and it's on to the next on. For now you're just waiting.
I love Birthdays! If someone I know is having a Birthday I do my best to make them feel special because Birthdays are cool. Your Birthday is your own special holiday and that is why I use a capital "B" when I write the word Birthday. Everyone has a Birthday. Even Assholes and Fucktards have Birthdays. Some folks are chill with the whole Birthday thing and others say "it's just another day." I don't understand how humans like that function. Then there are folks like me who LOVE to celebrate Birthdays. I don't care that I am another year older, I care that I survived another year. It isn't easy with the beasts and robots trying to cut me off at every turn. So, you're god-damned right I am going to celebrate MY Birthday and everyone Else's Birthday for that matter. Well, except for the Birthday's of Assholes and Fucktards. I am sure they have people to do that for them.
In a few short days it will be MY Birthday, and all I can say is, who gives a shit. I don't give a shit because it will be MY Birthday! No matter what happens on MY Birthday, I don't give a shit. Someone could come knocking on my door and tell me they stopped making Snapple or my favorite pod casters were arrested for indecent exposure to sea otters and I wouldn't give a shit because it's MY Birthday. I don't give a shit because life is always beautiful on MY Birthday. So I would tell those dealers of doom and gloom to go away and come back tomorrow because nothing is going to ruin my MY Birthday high. It's my own personal holiday AND I don't give a shit!
As far back as I can remember I always had this glowing feeling inside on MY Birthday. I've always called it MY Birthday High. I never took a survey to find out if anyone else had that feeling because let's face it, I don't really share my personal feelings too often, and asking someone that question would reveal too much of my inner self to others. Why on Earth would I want to do that?! Jeepers, that's what you pay a therapist for. Keep your dark side to yourself I always say. Anyhow, the glowing feeling will be here in a few short days and I sure hope I get a balloon. Yeah, that's all I really want for MY Birthday this year is a balloon. I've given up on Birthday cards, because everyone is so damn forgetful. It's not their fault that they don't possess an incredible memory bank like mine. It's also not their fault that they were never taught to keep a nice stash of Birthday cards because you never know when a case of explosive diarrhea might hit and you can't make it to the store to purchase a Birthday card. Nope, not my fault. Counting Birthday cards is a thing of the past. I just want a balloon. Even if I have to buy that fucking balloon myself; I want a balloon!
I wouldn't mind spending MY Birthday with Bill Murray because we'd have a lot to talk about. For instance, why wasn't Quick Change well received by the public? I thought it was really funny, but I think the rest of the world wanted another Ghostbusters. Fuck 'em! Who cares Bill, it's MY Birthday let's go eat some popcorn and watch Harold and Maude. Bill would like that. Another Bill I wouldn't mind spending MY Birthday with is Bill Maher. We'd have a lot to talk about too. A LOT! Then he would run off to smoke some weed because he'd realize that I can be a real handful. I wouldn't want to spend MY Birthday with Billy Baldwin because he's just dumb and he's not Alec. Of course Alec is funny on TV and in films, but he could possibly be a turd in real life and I don't want to be with a turd on MY Birthday. It's for the best.
How will I spend MY Birthday? The best way I know how, all alone. Oh sure, it is nice to spend time with friends and family (if you like them and they like you), but spending your Birthday alone is the best. You can do whatever you want and you are on your own schedule. Take yourself out to lunch or the movies. Go for a walk alone with your Birthday balloon and wear out your shoes cherishing every moment of your day.
In the past I wouldn't like to be alone on MY Birthday. I'd create these fairly elaborate celebrations and invite friends to come and celebrate me. Now we've all grown older and we're scattered about so what's the point of even trying to concoct some sort of Birthday plan. It's a time waster. I'd rather spend MY Birthday with a person who I have just begun to really like and really love; ME! It's been a long time coming and I have finally made peace with myself. Plus, I don't give a shit!
