The whole world is in turmoil, it has been for a long time but right now it just seems a little worse. In America we just pick ourselves up, shake of the dust and go out and buy more useless shit and eat mass amounts of terrible food and say "Ah fuck it, it doesn't have anything to do with me so why should I care." That's the attitude of most folks as they shuffle off to Walmart in the middle of the afternoon. There are things that go on around me that aren't my business so I have that same "ah fuck it" attitude. When it's not in your own backyard it really doesn't seem to matter. However, I just can't help thinking there must be something I can do besides donate $10 bucks to the Red Cross to help those folks in Japan. Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan, Charlie Sheen, it's just one big mess. Again, it's another time I wish I was as dumb as Forrest Gump and could not even comprehend anything beyond my own backyard. The mind rarely shuts off especially after 10PM and the present company I keep can't seem to understand why I care so much about things outside of my own little world. I also have a difficult time believing that what the media tells us is the truth. There is a lot more going on every moment of every day and we never really know the whole truth because we aren't there. I wish I was there because I want to know but what I really want is to help. Things like upcoming concerts or what to eat for lunch really don't concern me right now. I just want to get out and get busy but unfortunately I am just one person and I just don't know what I can do. If I even did anything, would it even make a difference, really.
I love it when people tell me to pray. I won't go into all the reasons why I don't think prayers work, I don't want to lose my strong Christian fan base. I do a lot of communicating with the Great Unknown but about the only prayer that has ever worked for me is the prayer to St. Anthony. My Irish Catholic mother told me that St. Anthony helps you find lost things. I have found lost car keys, t-shirts, occasionally my mind and pens (I am forever losing my pens) but other than that, I find that prayer, at least for me does not work. I prayed and prayed AND PRAYED when I was 8 years old that my father would die and Charles Ingalls would take his place. I just wanted a father who loved and respected me and my mom. It took 20 years for that man to finally kick the bucket and by then Michael Landon was a mere speck of dust in the wind. So I have a hard time believing in the power of prayers. Sorry but, I am just a heathen lost soul I suppose. Maybe that is why I feel so helpless, I have no faith. As for hope, HA, that's just a pile of shit to me.
So what do you do when disaster is all around you. It's in ever corner of your world and THE world. I try real hard to look for the good in all people, REAL hard and I try even harder to find the humor in things. Sometimes I find it and other times I need a little nudge until I find it. I guess there are many humorous things to find in many of the situations currently peppering the world right now but I just can't find any humor in Japan. I find comfort in knowing that evetually Japan will be Japan again but it still makes me terribly sad to think of anyone suffering right now while I sit sipping a Snapple and whining in this forum.
I saw Henry the other night and it's been a long time since I actually relaxed and listened instead of keeping the mind going and listening. I put the mind on pause on Thursday night because I was just exhausted from nights of waking up and worrying about people I don't even know. Henry and a handful of others have that power over me, they make me pause and relax. Lots of folks out there just need to fucking relax and I worry about them too. Like a lot of folks I wish I had a switch on me that turned off the worry, the sadness and the confussion. We'd all be a lot more happier if we did. Maybe once Japan gets its shit together they could invent such a switch and then the next generation wouldn't have to be medicated like my generation. What a lovely thought that is.Ginger Boy had a delightful idea the other day that I have been contemplating for a while now. Instead of this blog about all the shit that bugs me about living in this Snake Pit, I should just do a blog about the movies and TV shows I watch. I am full of opinions (or full of shit, as I like to call it) about what folks should and should not view, why not share it with the masses. For someone who consumes a lot of McDonald's garbage (it's NOT food!) he sure is clever. However, the negative side of me says "Who would read it? Who would care?" No one even reads this BLOG. I just type this shit because I don't have a journal right now. I'm a cheap bastard who is a celebrity in her own mind. I would make a lousy real life celebrity because I hate having my picture taken. I am not fond of the way I look but I don't care enough to do anything about it.
So, I can't save the world, I can only do what I can do. I guess I could give that pray thing a try but I just know it's not going to help. Maybe I could donate some old clothing that could be shipped overseas, I have a few sweaters I need to unload. Maybe have my class draw some pictures to mail to American soliders that need some cheering up. I wonder if anyone needs some birds, I have a shit load of birds that could feed the hungry and Ingrid Newkirk would never have to know about it. I guess little things like that could possibly make a difference. I will keep telling myself that so I don't have any more sleepless nights.
For now I will just keep my worried shoes in the closet because you never know when you'll need them.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
