day 370
I meant no harm, I just was not strong enough for you.
Maybe I didn't earn it.
That's what I will tell myself.
forever.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
27.5.11
23.5.11
I HATE PEOPLE
day 366
In the words of the immortal Jordan Weaver, "I HATE PEOPLE! I HATE WHAT THEY DO TO ME!" PMS is not involved, I am just having a crappy evening. People are not only strange Jim, they are dumb too. If Farnz were here he could explain it much better than I. He would turn to all those people and say "stop acting duuuuuuumb." in a very calm and cool Farnz way. When I get angry and I get pissed and I break out the shit list, Albery Finney singing I Hate People goes through my head along with a many Rage Against the Machine tunes. You're right man, people are such kickable creatures. GRRRRRRRRR!!
So, at this moment, I hate people but tomorrow I will love them again. Well, not all of them.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
In the words of the immortal Jordan Weaver, "I HATE PEOPLE! I HATE WHAT THEY DO TO ME!" PMS is not involved, I am just having a crappy evening. People are not only strange Jim, they are dumb too. If Farnz were here he could explain it much better than I. He would turn to all those people and say "stop acting duuuuuuumb." in a very calm and cool Farnz way. When I get angry and I get pissed and I break out the shit list, Albery Finney singing I Hate People goes through my head along with a many Rage Against the Machine tunes. You're right man, people are such kickable creatures. GRRRRRRRRR!!
So, at this moment, I hate people but tomorrow I will love them again. Well, not all of them.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
22.5.11
let go
day 365
Sometimes you just forget about the perfect days. You can get caught up in between days and hold it all in side until you can hold it no more. You lose it as you try to hang on to a shred of yourself. It can almost be like a scene from a film, it almost seems real but it really isn't. This is not you, you are better than this. You forgot to tell yourself that this morning while brushing your teeth. You have inner strength, you just forgot to leave a post-it to remind yourself of that today. It's okay that you got stuck in between days and you forgot about those perfect days. Had so many and there are many more to come. Float on and let yourself go so you won't get stuck again. Even when the little things don't come easy keep punching your way through so you can reach another perfect day. When you can't reach, there are those around you who can help. Strength is asking for help because you can't always do it on your own. This is what you teach the children and they listen so you should listen too.
You never meant to hurt anyone on that in between day, just yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and they really do understand more than you can ever imagine. Now you know and knowing is half the battle (G.I. Joe). You sit back on those perfect days and wish you had half their spirit because you once had that spirit too. It will come back, it will happen and you can make it so. Those in between days aren't really bad, they teach you things and if you pay attention you will even be able to enjoy those in between days because you know a perfect day is just around the corner. Things will never be as they were but that is what is so amazing because things will be even better if you let them. So don't hold on, let go. Grab a caring hand and together just let go.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
PS I met Lewis Black. More to follow once the mood strikes.
Sometimes you just forget about the perfect days. You can get caught up in between days and hold it all in side until you can hold it no more. You lose it as you try to hang on to a shred of yourself. It can almost be like a scene from a film, it almost seems real but it really isn't. This is not you, you are better than this. You forgot to tell yourself that this morning while brushing your teeth. You have inner strength, you just forgot to leave a post-it to remind yourself of that today. It's okay that you got stuck in between days and you forgot about those perfect days. Had so many and there are many more to come. Float on and let yourself go so you won't get stuck again. Even when the little things don't come easy keep punching your way through so you can reach another perfect day. When you can't reach, there are those around you who can help. Strength is asking for help because you can't always do it on your own. This is what you teach the children and they listen so you should listen too.
You never meant to hurt anyone on that in between day, just yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and they really do understand more than you can ever imagine. Now you know and knowing is half the battle (G.I. Joe). You sit back on those perfect days and wish you had half their spirit because you once had that spirit too. It will come back, it will happen and you can make it so. Those in between days aren't really bad, they teach you things and if you pay attention you will even be able to enjoy those in between days because you know a perfect day is just around the corner. Things will never be as they were but that is what is so amazing because things will be even better if you let them. So don't hold on, let go. Grab a caring hand and together just let go.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
PS I met Lewis Black. More to follow once the mood strikes.
7.5.11
live together, die alone and meet me in the garage
day 349
You know that old saying, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. As you can guess that saying has gotten me into trouble over the years. Drinking, smoking and other stuff so I have tried very hard to distance myself from that way of thinking and just be me. It's not an easy task but I rather enjoy it and I also enjoy keeping to myself. Solitude has always been a good friend of mine.
Recently Ginger Boy and I have taken on the daunting task of cleaning out the garage and moving items to the attic. I am not a hoarder but there are certain items I felt the need to hang onto over the years. I tossed A LOT of crap and kept the sentimental things that made me tear up during this little venture. It was an exhausting Easter weekend. While most families do family shit during this "Holy Weekend", I was up to my armpits in junk. I don't have a family, I don't really get into Easter so it was okay for me to do this during this so-called important weekend.
Task completed, junk taken to the incinerator and a nice clean garage. Ah, heaven, sort off. Ginger Boy and one of Rasputia's Minions (the one I like the most) did the rest of the work a few days ago and now we have a new haven, a new hot spot to hang out in. The Garage, where all of your dreams come true. Well, all of mine. Do you know how long it has been since I sat down at a table to eat a meal in this dump? TOO FUCKING LONG! I am in my own little world enjoying music or reading when I am the garage all the while masticating and digesting wholesome food.
I figure if we are going to be stuck here for a while due to financial issues then we might as well get a long with the hostiles. The Morlocks have actually been rather nice lately but I can still hear their not so silent whispers about us every now and then. I still feel a little trapped in this shoebox where privacy in a precious commodity but rarely found and every once in a while I have a place to escape to that could possibly keep me sane for a little while. Oh it's not perfect, it's dusty and the Jewish neighbors peek out of their window to watch me while I sit in the wheelchair in the garage. I prefer the wheelchair for some odd reason. I could say something clever like I feel connected to the late Christopher Reeves as I sit in my wheelchair. But I don't, I just like the chair. I wouldn't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life like Mr. Reeves. What a life that must have been. What lousy Birthday presents he must have received. Hats. When you are in the position of not being able to move around you're bound to get a lot of hats for your Birthday.
I can still hear the birds in the garage but I have learned to shut them out most of the day. Except the one that makes noise until 11PM on weeknights. So, it's not perfect and it's not really my own spot but I will take what I can get until I get what I really need. SOLITUDE!
Just like Jack said in Season 1, episode 5 entitled White Rabbit of the fabulous TV show L O S T, ". . . we're all here now. And God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone." Meet me in the garage.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
You know that old saying, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. As you can guess that saying has gotten me into trouble over the years. Drinking, smoking and other stuff so I have tried very hard to distance myself from that way of thinking and just be me. It's not an easy task but I rather enjoy it and I also enjoy keeping to myself. Solitude has always been a good friend of mine.
Recently Ginger Boy and I have taken on the daunting task of cleaning out the garage and moving items to the attic. I am not a hoarder but there are certain items I felt the need to hang onto over the years. I tossed A LOT of crap and kept the sentimental things that made me tear up during this little venture. It was an exhausting Easter weekend. While most families do family shit during this "Holy Weekend", I was up to my armpits in junk. I don't have a family, I don't really get into Easter so it was okay for me to do this during this so-called important weekend.
Task completed, junk taken to the incinerator and a nice clean garage. Ah, heaven, sort off. Ginger Boy and one of Rasputia's Minions (the one I like the most) did the rest of the work a few days ago and now we have a new haven, a new hot spot to hang out in. The Garage, where all of your dreams come true. Well, all of mine. Do you know how long it has been since I sat down at a table to eat a meal in this dump? TOO FUCKING LONG! I am in my own little world enjoying music or reading when I am the garage all the while masticating and digesting wholesome food.
I figure if we are going to be stuck here for a while due to financial issues then we might as well get a long with the hostiles. The Morlocks have actually been rather nice lately but I can still hear their not so silent whispers about us every now and then. I still feel a little trapped in this shoebox where privacy in a precious commodity but rarely found and every once in a while I have a place to escape to that could possibly keep me sane for a little while. Oh it's not perfect, it's dusty and the Jewish neighbors peek out of their window to watch me while I sit in the wheelchair in the garage. I prefer the wheelchair for some odd reason. I could say something clever like I feel connected to the late Christopher Reeves as I sit in my wheelchair. But I don't, I just like the chair. I wouldn't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life like Mr. Reeves. What a life that must have been. What lousy Birthday presents he must have received. Hats. When you are in the position of not being able to move around you're bound to get a lot of hats for your Birthday.
I can still hear the birds in the garage but I have learned to shut them out most of the day. Except the one that makes noise until 11PM on weeknights. So, it's not perfect and it's not really my own spot but I will take what I can get until I get what I really need. SOLITUDE!
Just like Jack said in Season 1, episode 5 entitled White Rabbit of the fabulous TV show L O S T, ". . . we're all here now. And God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone." Meet me in the garage.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
1.5.11
ugly. . .
day 343
and that sums it all up right about now.
bummer.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
and that sums it all up right about now.
bummer.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
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