I love Birthdays! If someone I know is having a Birthday I do my best to make them feel special because Birthdays are cool. Your Birthday is your own special holiday and that is why I use a capital "B" when I write the word Birthday. Everyone has a Birthday. Even Assholes and Fucktards have Birthdays. Some folks are chill with the whole Birthday thing and others say "it's just another day." I don't understand how humans like that function. Then there are folks like me who LOVE to celebrate Birthdays. I don't care that I am another year older, I care that I survived another year. It isn't easy with the beasts and robots trying to cut me off at every turn. So, you're god-damned right I am going to celebrate MY Birthday and everyone Else's Birthday for that matter. Well, except for the Birthday's of Assholes and Fucktards. I am sure they have people to do that for them.
In a few short days it will be MY Birthday, and all I can say is, who gives a shit. I don't give a shit because it will be MY Birthday! No matter what happens on MY Birthday, I don't give a shit. Someone could come knocking on my door and tell me they stopped making Snapple or my favorite pod casters were arrested for indecent exposure to sea otters and I wouldn't give a shit because it's MY Birthday. I don't give a shit because life is always beautiful on MY Birthday. So I would tell those dealers of doom and gloom to go away and come back tomorrow because nothing is going to ruin my MY Birthday high. It's my own personal holiday AND I don't give a shit!
As far back as I can remember I always had this glowing feeling inside on MY Birthday. I've always called it MY Birthday High. I never took a survey to find out if anyone else had that feeling because let's face it, I don't really share my personal feelings too often, and asking someone that question would reveal too much of my inner self to others. Why on Earth would I want to do that?! Jeepers, that's what you pay a therapist for. Keep your dark side to yourself I always say. Anyhow, the glowing feeling will be here in a few short days and I sure hope I get a balloon. Yeah, that's all I really want for MY Birthday this year is a balloon. I've given up on Birthday cards, because everyone is so damn forgetful. It's not their fault that they don't possess an incredible memory bank like mine. It's also not their fault that they were never taught to keep a nice stash of Birthday cards because you never know when a case of explosive diarrhea might hit and you can't make it to the store to purchase a Birthday card. Nope, not my fault. Counting Birthday cards is a thing of the past. I just want a balloon. Even if I have to buy that fucking balloon myself; I want a balloon!
I wouldn't mind spending MY Birthday with Bill Murray because we'd have a lot to talk about. For instance, why wasn't Quick Change well received by the public? I thought it was really funny, but I think the rest of the world wanted another Ghostbusters. Fuck 'em! Who cares Bill, it's MY Birthday let's go eat some popcorn and watch Harold and Maude. Bill would like that.
Another Bill I wouldn't mind spending MY Birthday with is Bill Maher. We'd have a lot to talk about too. A LOT! Then he would run off to smoke some weed because he'd realize that I can be a real handful. I wouldn't want to spend MY Birthday with Billy Baldwin because he's just dumb and he's not Alec. Of course Alec is funny on TV and in films, but he could possibly be a turd in real life and I don't want to be with a turd on MY Birthday. It's for the best.
How will I spend MY Birthday? The best way I know how, all alone. Oh sure, it is nice to spend time with friends and family (if you like them and they like you), but spending your Birthday alone is the best. You can do whatever you want and you are on your own schedule. Take yourself out to lunch or the movies. Go for a walk alone with your Birthday balloon and wear out your shoes cherishing every moment of your day.
off to enjoy another sunny, SUNNY day!
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